Everyone had their own computer, we all used the computer, and typically everyone was connected.
The first time I remember being on the computer was first grade.
I would play games on the computer, and even download music.
When I was younger, I was in love with Barbie.
So, I decided to download a "Barbie Movie"
Turns out, it was not a "Barbie Movie" at all.
Luckily, my parents deleted it before I seen it.
Lets move forward a couple of years:
I turned Ten years old, and I had a computer in my room.
I started to actually discover the Internet, and learn so many things.
I started to actually discover the Internet, and learn so many things.
Things I honestly regret knowing, and things that could have saved me a lot of trouble.
I met on an online game people from all over the states.
I met one particular person, lets call her E.
Everything about her was perfect.
The way she spoke, the way her smile was so bright, her humor, how sweet she was, everything just seemed to be so perfect.
In her world, it wasn't.
Everyone has a tale, but hers was full of things I never really understood at that age such as rape, abuse, suicide, self injury, alcoholism, and drugs.
I moved around a lot so I never really picked up on any of those topics within school.
One day, we got onto the subject of Self - Injury.
I asked her if it really helped. If it was safe.
She said it was fine just don't cut along the veins.
My tale at that age was not quite as rough as hers. She was also thirteen years old at the time.
My dad was an alcoholic. He drank almost every night, and my brother drank as well.
My sister is autistic so she was more of the "favorite" child.
If I did anything to upset her, my dad would angry.
Obviously I did everything to avoid this from happening. At least, the most that I could.
For the most part it wasn't that bad. He had done this since I was 9 years old.
Probably earlier than that, but that's as far as I can remember.
I didn't really have a lot of friends. I was in six grade at the time.
I spent recess alone against the wall, usually reading a book.
And the girl I fell in love with, E. , led me on.
My first encounter with self-injury was scissor burns. It didn't really affect me much.
One night I finally broke down. I cut up my flute case. My parents were concerned, and just got mad about it. I figured they would.
While I was in band, a piece of my Flute case fell off. A piece that looks like a mini razor blade. I kept it in a small DS case.
E. and I still talked a lot. We became very close, and I wanted to be with her more than anything.
Yet, I wasn't good enough. (Years later I found out its because she didn't think dating girls was right)
One day when my father got very angry at me, I snapped.
I took out my mini razor blade and started.
It was small little lines, nothing too big.
I was talking with someone at the time (who I later found to be a pedophile) and he said that it always starts out that way. Then, you get obsessed and start doing it more. Deeper, longer cuts. I didn't believe him at all. That wouldn't happen.
My family system wasn't the greatest, my best friend was abusive, and most of my life existed online. I read a lot, I wrote a lot, and I played a lot of games. That's what I did.
At the same time of discovering self-injury I also discovered my entire body.
I went on one of the popular social media sites myyearbook (now known as meetme).
When you type in "Story" you got a lot of results none that were PG 13.
It was all erotica. All of it. Badly written erotica.
Now 10 year old me was curious, and read through the stories.
And read
and read
and read.
To the point where I actually enjoyed reading the stories.
They were rough stories. Mostly about kidnap, bondage, bdsm type stuff.
I found it different and interesting.
My nightly pattern changed.
The only thing that kept me feeling o.k was my pattern.
Every night, I ended up discovering myself, and that became my new addiction.
It got to the point where it was twice every night until I was in such pain it was unbearable. Then I'd fall asleep
Two addictions right there could have never happened.
My first heart break would have happened later in life.
I would not have discovered such sexual acts at such a young age.
And I would not have been talking to creepy strangers over the Internet.
Don't get me wrong, I have met a lot of good people from the Internet. A lot of who I'm still very close too. I've also met some bad people that have done a lot of things I wish had not have happened.
Monitoring your child's online usage not only helps prevent them from learning things they shouldn't at younger ages, but it also gives you a chance to know what they are having questions about.
