Confusion?

No matter what I do I can't stop thinking. 
I remember everything in detail. 
The times I've gotten yelled at,  punished,  and even hit. 
I remember everything.
I wish I could forget.  I wish i didn't have these dreams.
The words people said.  The lies.
Everyone lies to get what they want. It's human. I can't stand liars anymore.

I wanted to escape so many times.  I tried drowning.  I tried sleeping pills .  I just wanted out.  I can't stand the words I keep hearing every single day.  That I'll never be good enough.  I'll be the other person.  That someone is out to get me.  That I'm going to die alone.  I can't stand to hear it anymore.  Yet... I'm still here.

I'm trying to protect my heart.  I'm doing all I can yet you can't protect yourself from everything.  Love is one thing.  I guess I could pretend not too.  I've tried.  I tried to cling onto someone else but it didn't work.